Could I be the only hope for you, because you're the only hope for me ♥

Hmm...

Have been hanging out with Ross' mates more now I'm 18.

It's fun.
Definitely, love being out and about but...


Ross smokes more when we hang out with them..
And it's starting to get to me..

I love him, more than anything, it's amazing but...
This smoking scenario...
It's getting to me...

And I dont like it...
It hurts...


I mean they all smoke and stuff, and Ross gets the temptation and joins in and I'm sat there like...hmm, awkward, then at the pub or whatever they're all like "fag?" and go off outside and again...I'm just sat there...awkward...alone.

It sucks.


It's not me losing any feelings for Ross. ♥♥
Far from it, I'm just...yeah, hating the smoking.
I dont wanna stop hanging out with his mates either cos yeah, it is nice to get out and stuff and he's with his mates...and happy and shit so yeah, can't stop that, wouldn't want to.

Gah why do all his mates have to fucking smoke?!?!
Makes life complicated...ah well..
It'll get better...


I'm sure of it...

xo

CLUBBING ♥

Went clubbing for Sara's 18th...


LOVED IT

Was so loud and lively.


Just...epic.♥

Deffo taking Ross when he has money, go with his mates as I can hang with them now so he can socialise again :D


Went to the pub last night...soo good being 18 xD

xo

London (:

Went to London yesterday with a bunch of Tesco people

So with Ross too obviously haha xD

Was pretty good, were mainly in Regent Street...
Hamleys! :D
Apple! :D
Swarovski! :D
Selfridges! :D
And saw other awesome shops from the outside haha...


Ah I love London.

Got Taylor Swifts new album (: ♥


Only bad thing about the day was Ross having a fair few fags...I mean a couple I understood...the Underground was stressful but the others were like...meeeh....cos everyone else was smoking and...mehh....but hey, I trust him...guess the day was just stressful for him...


Was still a fun day.

Dad gets his new car today xD
Tis a Jag..it's SEXY ;)

xo

ARGH!!

ARRRRGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

...Sorry, had to get that off my chest..

Got rejected for a job at Tesco today.........ah well...fuck 'em.
I tried.

Also, got a fuck load of homework to do for like...Friday....shit.

Might have to go to the doctors...


I hate doctors.



And I am stupidly hormonal so would very much like to scream and break stuff (:





FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.




Better.

Ish.

xo

♥

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
♪




Ross...(: ♥

Dear Ross...

I know you wanted to know what was in my head well...

Okay.


I feel harsh.
I know you said it's fine, it's okay.
But I feel like I've really dulled down your life.
You seemed to have such fun with Anna and people you know...
You don't do stuff like that anymore.

You get stressy, cos I dont want you smoking so you cant relieve it.
You see me basically everyday and no one else.
I feel like I've taken you away from everyone.
I feel greedy, like some kind of high school bitch wanting the best, not letting anyone else near.

I hate it.

I hate feeling like I'm controlling you, cos that's what it feels like.

You're better than this bitchy control freak.
You're amazing, I just...hate you smoking :/

It's just...blurgh.
But I understand obviously, it's just yeah...guess I just can't imagine how hard it is for you.

I'm sorry.

I love you, and I wont let something this stupid end it all.

You're well worth the wait so...we'll get through it.
I'd rather you smoke a bit and are happier Rossie.
I like him.
A lot.

Like...


A LOT A LOT.


I'm just worried my stupid, stupid mind will get the better of me and you'll be too sick of me to catch me when I fall...which I wouldn't blame you for...I'd let me crash and burn if I were you.

So...thank you.
Thank you for being the man I need you to be, with the childish twat I am.


I love you.

♥♥♥♥

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We'll be alright ♥♪

We are young
We run free
Stay up late
We don't sleep
Got our friends
Got the night
We'll be alright

Tonight you won't be by yourself
Just leave your problems on the shelf, shelf

Got our friends
Got the night
We'll be alright
♪


Ahh....times are good right now.
Finally stopped getting all emotional when I see David!
Finally started thinking/feeling how I should around Ross...which is amazing (:
Finally sent my UCAS off!! Big burden gone!
Aaaaand....Sam is 18 in like 3 weeks!


EEEP :D


xo ♥

Things are going well...(:

Okay so...
- I haven't sent off my UCAS yet
- Haven't started any revision at all
- Friend situations haven't got better like I'd hoped


BUT
- Ross is actually amazing ♥
- School work isn't overloading me yet
- Got my Christmas and birthday presents for mates sorted
- I have my few close mates
- When I hit 18 Ross said I will make more friends haha :D

AHH 18 in ONE MONTH

woohoo!!

xo

Hum de hum...

Bit gutted atm....

But that's not for here...



Mmm, Ross..

Had a fag yesterday.
Got quite arsey :/
Like the knob I am...felt kinda bad actually.

I do love him millions just, dont like him smoking...it's ickyy...



Mehh....ah well...life ain't too bad considering so maybe I should shut the fuck up and get on with it (:

xo

F*ck.♥

I have never said that out loud without being under the influence of alcohol.




Woah.



Happy Sam much?

I think so.

♥ xo

Mm mm mmmm (:

Wow.

Last night was....good.
Yeah, good.




Wow.


I love Ross. ♥
He is actually amazing...like...AMAZING.

Just in every way.

He's better.

In every way.


Omg. Wow.

♥ xo

Auf Wiedersehen.♥

Well, the German exchange left this morning.

Quite sad to see Susi go but hey, hopefully we'll stay in touch, I'd like that.



Really missing Ross, he's been away all week, and now I have no German to be occupied with I realise how much I'm missing him....



Luckily he's back tomorrow so am gunna go to town and meet him..

Can't wait...

♥ xo

Susi, Ross & some "Curiously Cinnamon" cereal :D

So, Susi is coming today! YAY.
Cannot wait to see her, no idea what we'll do but hopefully all will be fine (:
Got her bed all set and everything, got her a mug, sweets and shortbread, yum yumm..

Yeah.

So Ross......


I said the "L" word yesterday...I told him I love him...after like 5 days...

That's bad right...?
But he said it back (:

He put up with one of my crazy depressive Sam moments really well and I just, yeah...


He didn't run away....



Thank god.


Don't know what I'd have done if he did :/

But he didn't and I said "I love you" first.

Ha, woo :D


Yeah....curiously cinnamon is like one of thee most amazing cereals in the entire history of the planet.

Try it xD

♥ xo

Touchdown, Turnaround. ♥ ♪

♪ Touchdown turnaround, everything is safe and sound 
Everywhere and every time, I am yours and you are mine ♪

Hmm, happy Sammiieee..(:

Me thinks my happy bubble may be re-forming...this is good.

I like.

YAY!

So happy right now, just all the cuddling and kissing...it's REALLY what the doctor ordered!

Happy Happy Happyyy....

(:

♥ xo

So, this is where I stand...& I love it.

David basically said he wants nothing to do with me anymore..

But you know...



I'm happy..


This made my mind clearer to think about Ross and...now we're together..
Because he made me so happy, cheered me up so much and Saturday night was quite fun (:

So yes, David doesn't want me...I don't care.
Ross is so nice (:


And likes to kiss & cuddle as much as me!!!!! :D


Amazing.


Hehe (:

♥ xo

Right, here's what's goin' on...

Okay, bit happier at the moment because:
1) I'm sick of being mopey all day
2) Apparently, the only reason David wont talk to me is because he doesn't know what to say...


I don't know what to say...I still wanna try. Talk about anything haha.



It is really hard to type whilst eating an apple...


Yeah, all the Tesco staff now think me and Ross are going out...¬_¬ so yeah, that's kind of...well not annoying but...we're not so it's kind of annoying I guess...ah well apparently I should be able to get a job there now lol. Good ol' Ross HA! Gotta love it. Hehe.


I felt my bubble pop yesterday...James told me he overheard Matt and David talking about David trying to flirt wit someone..:/ I actually FELT my happy bubble..."pop". It hurt...but hey...right now I just wanna focus on me and David TALKING again for fuck's sake...

Hope we do...


Still miss him ♥

xo.

Ugghh.

So I grew a pair and spoke to David today.



Was the most awkward 30 second conversation of my life.

I just said sorry and how I still wanna talk and he looked jut distant like he wanted nothing to do with it...but...I was the mature one who just said it, got it over with...still feel shit though because what if won't talk to me, after he said he would...?


I think I'ma be a bit sad for a wee bit longer tbqh.


But hey, I tried, least I can say that much, just wish I could say the same for him...:/

xo

Katy Perry = ♥

Katy Perry's new album is awesome.

I love it.


I love her.


Wow.



♥
It's helping me stay sane during my tough times, think I kinda want two people...awkward.
And I only think as well which is more annoying as I then waste more time thinking about whether I really want either of them tbqh.
One of course is David. Duh.
Second...


Ross.


Awkward, but I'm not sure! I mean he has been so nice recently and been so patient with looking after this psychopath so yeah, he makes me laugh and since we have been seeing each other so much recently I'm like...eep. But I dont know, need to sort shit with David first...so I wish he'd hurry up and grow some balls to talk about it with me so I can live my life!!!!!

xo

Feelings right now: $%?@#!

Okay.


Calm.

Breathe.

Fuck it.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.
Why wont he talk to me?!?!?!

Sorry, angry moment.
Miss him. So much. Too much. ♥


Does he not see how easy all this could be if he just SPOKE to me.

That's all I ask....does he not see that?



I'm not asking for much, just for him to speak or type a few shitting words to me once in a while...about the past or just general chit chat...

I don't care!




Pfft...well it's nearly September, nearly school so, maybe he'll talk then, as he did say he would but...do I really trust him as much as I did?

xo

No, we're not going out with each other.

Everybody around seems to think me and Ross are going out, shagging each other...or SHOULD be going out or shagging each other...

What is wrong with these people?!

I love Ross, I do, he is my best not quite gay man friend <3 :D
Lol.

But yeah, we aren't anything...worries me really. But hey, that's people for you.



Still trying to get over David....hard times, Ross is trying to help me and make me forget him, which also worries me but, he said he doesn't fancy me so...I trust him on that! But yeah...just need to see him and/or talk about all this so I can live my life!!




Times are confusing & shit (:

Greeaaaatt.

xo

AS results.

Umm yeah, not too good...

ICT exam - D
Coursework - U
Yeah...great.

German oral - B
Reading/writing - D
Not too bad.

English - B
Yay, happy with English.

Business unit 1 - B
Business unit 2 - E
Hmm, yeah not so good second time around eh?

Most gutted about ICT I think...never gotten a U...I actually nearly cried. Business wasn't too much better, an E after the B I managed unit 1...pretty annoying...but hey, will just maybe drop either ICT or Business and just retake all of them, maybe not English but would just be cool to get an A hehe.



Party saved my life, was very fun, got many bruises from all the biting but hey, was still so freakin' fun! Haha.



Wish he spoke to me...


Really upset me when we saw each other yet said FUCK ALL...

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!




Oh well...shit happens.

xo

EEEP!

Results day is tomorrow.


CRAP.
Actually quite nervous, yet excited. I want to know what I got, but I don't want to fail...

Which I'm sure is the view of most I'm sure.


Stayed at Sara's last night, haven't seen my Sara in a while so was lovely to see her (:
We ate pudding...lots of pudding! Yum...pudding.


Anyways...


Tomorrow: eep.

Sara: iloveyouuu.

Life: fuck it.
It's never gunna happen, I know it, I should give up and be happy with what I have...but...something just wont let me let go...how shit.

Just gunna have to perk up and be happy though...or everything will be worse.

xo

Summer...really?

Okay so...England and summer...don't seem to get along.

It's horrible and raining.


THIS IS NOT SUMMER.

I remember the days when winter was snowy and cold and summer was hot and lovely...
Why did that change?
Stupid weather. Indecisive twat.


Anyway, it happens, can't help that.
Rain can be nice, I quite like rain but sometimes you know, sun would be nice, get a nice tan xD




Still thinking about him.

It wont stop...



GAH.

xo

Twitter?

For some odd reason I made a Twitter account today.

Why not I guess, still like Facebook more but, hey, why not add Twitter to my list of things to check everyday because of my boring, average life :D


It's fine, will give me something extra to do other than The Sims 2 (PC) - AWESOME (need the Sims 3) and listen to music and bum about all day...as that is what I do.

Yeah just thought I'd say.

Still not in the best of moods.


I'll get over it...soon


I'm sure of it.

xo

$&!?#

Feel shit...


Don't know what to do...wanna cry like all the time...

Hate it....
A LOT.


Wish everything was just so fucking easy...I hate this...I hate it I hate it I hate it!!




Why can't I just be happy again...



I miss you....

& you know who you are.


xo

Get out of my head.

Okay, pretty pissed off right now.

Cannot get David out of my head...really annoying...why wont these thoughts fuck off!
I mean, he's clearly not meant to be there...

Is he?


I'm so annoyed and upset and.....just feel so shit.
I want him.
Bad.

Don't know how much longer I can cope with not talking to him, I'm sure I can get over the fact he doesn't want me. Fine. But...I want to talk to him dammit!
Just wish it was easier right now...it's actually giving me a headache.

Been hanging out with Ross again recently, which is nice so yeah, something else to try and keep my mind off David but, if I'm honest...not a lot is working...

xo

Hmm...

Sara had a party last night...kinda sucked...wasn't really a party...

They were all just sat outside smoking, chatting, drinking...not the dancey party vibe I needed.

Also, I had a little bit of a breakdown =) but its finee...sometimes it's good to cry.
But maybe not when you're trying to be "new and improved"

Been speaking to Ross more lately, 'cause we were like good mates at school and stuff and it's not like we live far from each other really! So we might be going to the cinema next week, should be good, I'm hoping.


Really failing at this whole "making the friends" shit though...



Oh well...shall just have to see how it all goes.

xo

New me...?

Well, right now I'm trying to make a new me.

Be a new person...stand out

or whatever.

Finding it a challenge...not a very confident nor social person so trying to make many new friends to keep my mind off him and keep me sane is...tough.

But I will do it

I'm suree...

I still have Sara (: she seems to have stuck with me even through my most dickish moments.

Love you Saraaaa ♥

I am still secretly hoping that somewhere...deep down...he does actually love me, and wants me back...

But, for my sake, I'm not getting my hopes up!

Just hope all works out for the best in the end...even if not in my favour...

xo

Long time no see...

Well, stuff has changed since my last blog post...I'm single...yay. And yeah, stuff isn't too bad but, I miss him =(
Going to Germany next week for the exchange though so that should be a nice little getaway for a while. But yeah, Sara passed her driving test! =D yay knew she could do it. But yeah, other than that not too much on really, last week of school for me so...yay, good times. X

Change came in disguise of revelation set his soul on fire, she says she always knew he'd come around.

So happy right now. This has been a really nice week despite my moods and exam stress.
Yeah, ICT exam...Tuesday...OMG. First exam, not looking forward to it, worried I am actually going to fail, the only exam I'm confident about is English to be honest. But hey, it'll be fine, it'll all work out. I have David, everything is amazing right now, I love him, loads. I hope he knows that. Um, and yeah, not really much else happening in the world of Sam right now, pretty boring just revising, like, a lot! Which, isn't really fun, or blog worthy really is it? So yeah, I wont go on about it. Just so happy right now and I'm really hoping my exams go well because that really would be the icing on the cake, if the cake stays good, which I hope it does, he's so amazing, and I really hope he knows that.

Love to hate you.

Sam is VERY confused right now, I don't like it. Oh well. Love's a bitch eh?
And OMG GERMAN ORAL ON TUESDAY! OMG!
'nuff said.

Niom...better ♥

Ooh seeing David made me feel so much better. I'm so glad he could stay too. We had a really good chat last night too, I was so happy hearing it, we had a good laugh, took me ages to get him up this morning, lazy bastard haha! But yeah, it was really nice. So yeah, good day, sunny, warm, just nice generally. Mood is definitely better even if we do have to get up early for school tomorrow, least I can see David more often. Stupid exams. Stupid revision. But yeah. All is better in the life of Sam =]

Bad, bad, bad.

Exams. Life. My mind.
All not very good. My German oral is nearing and I am so going to fail it! My chose topic isn't ready, I have to get it ready then learn it in like 2 weeks, ish. I am not doing so good right now. All the exams are mid-May end of May and so yeah, they're getting here. I am so stressed out about them and I'm worried that its affecting my mind into thinking other things, but then I think well maybe it's true? Maybe its not my mind, then everything's fine again, then its not it's just... ARGH WTF GRR!! I am really moody and yeah I need him, but he's not around and its killing me...didn't even speak to him today...it's driving me insane, maybe I'm too needy for him...so worried, I don't want that to be the case but, it could be I mean, maybe its just the timing what with exams and revision but AH I need to see him. Now. I just want to cry to be honest. I just want to hide away in another world where everything is perfect...I hope we talk to tomorrow. I hope I SEE him tomorrow...I really need to... I need to clear this up before I go too crazy.

Wow.

I am really quite happy right now, my little happy bubble is back, which is always good! Yeah I'm doing ICT and Business studies revision right now but, even that couldn't being me down. All that could is him...he is what got me like this...he fucks up, so does my mind, but right now he is doing FAB. Had a really good night on Tuesday/Wednesday morning lol. We were up pretty much all night just...well...I'm going to say 'chilllin'' but uhh, yeah, that's all you need to know lol. It was good though, just hugged lots and tried to sleep but, failed haha. I was too excited to be fair, that he was allowed to stay the night, made me happy.

Got another hike on Saturday too that hopefully David is coming on. Which is nice. Can see him again. Even if I am looking oh so attractive in my sexy hiking gear lol, it's fun, I'm getting into my hiking now, even if I am a lazy bugger I still manage! I just fall asleep in the car on the way home usually haha, oh well. Should be good. But yeah, Sam is SO happy it's unreal...love you xxx

Feeling pretty good…

Well, atm, I am feeling pretty good to be honest. My mood, for some reason is just, WOOSHH in the sky, it’s good. I mean David helps, definitely, but like, I should be really hormonal and just BLURGH with everyone but, I’m not, I feel really nice and stuff…I don’t even want to hit James as much…and I always do that. It’s crazy folks. It’s good though obviously. Just feeling really good, weather is…sort of getting better, has the off day but generally, having a good time at school, German is still taking over but, I’m okay, I’m coping with it all, now just got to make sure I get all my revision and stuff done to make sure I do well. In Business I got a B in unit 1 so that’s a very good start, but have to make sure I don’t get complacent and keep working hard or I’ll fail, and that will be bad!! But yeah, life is pretty good, getting to a kind of clingy stage with Davey though, my confidence in going up to him and hugging him is growing so…poor him haha. Oh well, if it bugs him he can…dump me or whatever, but I really hope he doesn’t, he has really made my year so far.

School really is killing me.

School. GERMAN! TOO MUCH. To put it simply.

I cannot put up with all this german homework and having to write and learn our oral questions for May 4th!! OMGGG,, I'm so stressed. Good thing today though I managed to get my English coursework out of the way which is one thing off my mind now, hopefully will never have to see it again I hope! But yes, german is still a bitch, we technically have 3 different teachers giving us work to do so it is just so stresseful and...TOO MUCH GERMAN. But I suppose I might drop it next year anyway, it is great I do like it but it's stressing me out, I guess I will just see how I do in the exam I mean if I do really well I will carry it on but, I mean like high B or A, otherwise I will probably drop it...english, business and ICT are good and Japanese lets not forget my EXTRA one there so...I will still have a nice work load...great...GOD I'M SO STRESSED.

One nice thing at the moment though, David =] ♥

Worries...

I'm worried that David has really gotten angry over all the shit that's been going on, he seemed kind of off today, didn't see him much, and he didn't talk to me like he said he would...just really worried that the arguments have fucked it all up, like it was all a waste, I hope he's just avoiding me for my sake not because I'm too needy and upset right now and he doesn't wanna know...I'm really hoping...Just needed him tonight...and, nothing...couldn't even get hold of him on his phone, MSN, nothing...kind of gutted. But hey, life goes on, I guess I will just have to hope it's anger and stress and hope it blows over and goes back to normal soon....

Oh my fucking god, TWAT.

Last night and the night before I had a massive argument with this guy and some other people got involved as it was on Facebook and everything and I was just SO angry at him, he is such an ungrateful little shit! I could not believe some of the stuff he was saying to me after all I did for him, I was in tears for basically two nights now, but thankfully last night I was at Sara's, so I did have her to help me cope and she also had a go at him too afterwards on her MSN (cos he's blocked me on mine, obviously) so yeah, I felt a bit better. David was involved too, kind of sad and annoying I am just like, can you lot please leave us alone! They seem to have problems with me and David and it's really annoying tbf, I can't take it for much longer, I'm going to lose like all my friends again cos of a guy, can I not do anything right? Sara said she shouldn't fall out with me, I hope not, she's all I really fully have left, if all goes wrong with David, she will be who I run to, I mean yeah there are some other friends, but she's the closest right now...if I lost her I don't know what I'd do...

Mood: SO MUCH BETTER.

Wow. My mood has really shot up since yesterday. I am not going to go into why, it's private, you just have to trust me, I am really, really happy about it though. I love David, muchly. Fini. End of. Nothing can bring my mood down...except maybe his silly drama rehearsals...oh well, they have to be done, can't see him much though, least I know why, least he's not just ignoring me haha. But still, anything or anyone who ruins my happy bubble DIES! =]

Bored. Wine is nice.

So bored right now waiting for the lover to receive my texts and maybe let me know if I am seeing him today or not, quite dull if I'm honest. OMG. Maybe he's been eaten...or doesn't want to see me today, just didn't see him much yesterday...I miss him haha. And I'm lonely, drinking wine at the moment, mm I love it, makes me happier during the wait I guess haha. Grr him.

Hiking in the Brecons.

Well, yesterday I went for a good old hike in the Brecon Beacons in Wales with my dad, James, Kevin and Liam. It was...interesting. We had to actually climb, hands and knees, up a rocky hill with a little, almost waterfall, running down it. It was so scary but really fun! It was very snowy high up as well, I am actually amazed at how well I did, and I am so chuffed. We had a few rests, maybe like 3 or so, which I think makes it even better. We made it to the very top!! That's 2800 ft up, we climbed a total of 1200 ft (we started a bit off the ground anyway) and when I look back at what we did I couldn't believe it, I just though, I did that!? Coming off the top of the peak was fun as it was snowy and slippy so me and Liam decided to just slide down on our arses haha, was much easier for us, and was more fun. I actually gained more confidence in this whole climbing/hiking malarkey and I am very proud of myself. One thing is though, we did go off the peak the wrong way an up ended up walking an extra 2 or 3 hours to find our way to Brecon! Where we managed to find a pub and Kevin found the car and took us back. It was most definitely an adventure and I can't wait for the next one, where hopefully my Davey can come, and some other friends too! That'll make it even more fun hehe.

Party.

Last night was Simon's birthday party. It was pretty fun actually. Spent a lot of the night outside with a smaller crew haha. I didn't know like, over half the people so, yeah, anyway, I got quite drunk off wine haha, really wasn't too good to be honest, needed help walking home haha. Actually needed help to stand too towards the end haha. Good ol' James helping me =) he is a lovely one. But yeah, good night, me and Sara had a little dance, and I kind of kept phoning my boyfriend and yeah...never mind but it was funny, I'll say that. All in all though a great night. Missed the parties with those guys to be honest, it was nice to have one with 'em again.

What a day.

Well, went round my boyfriends house for the first time today. Was good. All I'm gunna say is two words, 'whipped cream'. Think of it what you will haha. But yeah, no, was a really good day and I am so happy, I could cry! Yeah...anyway. Met his mum, me and my dad SWEAR we have seen her before...quite annoying haha, but hey, I'm sure we'll get it. But yes, shorter post today as I feel ill/my stomach is in agony. But yeah, great day, very happy and oh my God, going hiking tomorrow, and am bringing David! Should be fun! =)

Valentines.

Well, I think today was rather pleasant =) I had a lovely time with David and frankly was just...great! We made a cake and it kind of failed but oh well, was fun making it. Was a really good day I am so happy but I am not going to go into why, it's just not appropriate haha. But yes, was a lovely day and I just wish he didn't have to leave, not seeing him 'till Wednesday, least I hope I see him then! Will be very upset if I don't but yes, no today was good and I really feel so, happy. Haven't felt that in..a fairly long time. He really is way better and, nearer to amazing to be frank. Very happy and just, yay, I miss him now though haha. Ohh. Well there's always more times I can see him I guess. Love you. Happiness!

Not a whore.

So, title concerning you? It shouldn't. Basically, my lover, David, had to leave part way through lunch because his memory is clearly appalling and so, well we were all sort of bored so we decided to take some rather...incriminating photos of myself with some of the guys in the group. Not like too whorish, we were in school! But you know just like, we tried to make it look like we were kissing and so on. So yes, was rather amusing if I'm honest. I mean obviously I don't like any of these guys in that way but it was really funny to do, I was practically in fits, and David doesn't seem too annoyed so I'm happy :) I mean I wanted to you know get a reaction but I am glad he's not mad because I hope he knows I only really mainly have eyes for him right now, he is just too sweet, yes somewhat cheeky and has a slight lack of control, but we can fix that...oooooh yes. Anywho, not much else happened really, just a normal typical Friday. Oh yeah, and Matt got shat on by a bird :) Poor Matt.

A little fun.

Today, Sara, David and me went back to Sara's house during our double free period and lunch, it was...fun. I mean yeah I liked it I just...felt awkward and don't really know how to feel about it. I had fun though so my head is very confused, I wanted to reject all that was happening but other parts of me were telling me to just bite my tongue...(or his...) and let it be, it was good, can't deny that but, Sara was there, felt incredibly awkward, but, hey, it's gunna happen sooner or later, just maybe in private next time. He needs to learn control I think, we were thinking of getting a tazer, or a BB gun could do the trick. But no, we had a water can to spray him with. Hehe, was funny, I do love him, I just have to think whether it's just my desire and need for it, or whether I do actually really, really love him, because obviously my head still isn't too good from my ex. I am not just some whore who will sleep with someone for the sake of it either, I really have to be able to trust him, and he has to have respect for me, then maybe it can happen, who knows right now, everyone says I should wait but, in the end, it's my decision.

Oh, the frustration.

Right now I am so frustrated it's not fair. I am craving so much that I can't have, or maybe more SHOULDN'T but the cravings are really bad, and I'm a diet so I can't eat to get over them, bit like in Sex and the City, Samantha - "I eat, so I don't cheat" for me it's more eating so I don't just, you know! Don't want to get too personal on this blog. Use your imagination. So yeah, basically, I am dying inside, my mate, Matt, says to go for it, but, I can never tell if he's serious to be honest. Probably not, but hey, who knows, I don't want to yet, but...I do, so very much. It's very complicated, damn this frustration. But yes things with the new other half are going well either way I think, quite happy, he is so sweet and such a gentleman when he wants to be haha. But really, although 'frustrated' I am very happy right now. I mean yeah people at school are funny with it, and the kissing and what not, but hey, sod 'em to be honest, our life, if we want to we can I mean, hey, why not, other couples do it! So yeah, I wore some blue tights today =) .

Shopping is so much fun.

Well, yesterday, me, my boyfriend, and Sara, my lovely friendy went shopping. Now this may not sound shocking but going with my boyfriend, David, made it so much more funny. He thought it would be fun and relaxing, and where do we take the poor boy? Clothes shops, accessory shops...and best of all, Ann Summers. He really enjoyed that one haha. I think for the most of it he was just clinging onto me for dear life bless him. Yeah when me and Sara went into the changing rooms he was left alone with a nice pornographic board game lol, i think an assistant spoke to him too, which i think just made everything better lol. But yes, was a good day in general I think, had a nice fatty Frappacino @ Starbucks, was SO yummy. Saw my ex, Daryl in town though, but hey, I was sane about it, didn't go mad like i though I could. Was okay, he did talk to David on the way back, as David had to get the bus back to mine so, yeah, that was awkward but luckily there was no arguments, thank god!! But yes, all in all, was a good day, i liked it. Sara drove me home in her car! I think she did pretty well, she only stalled a few times!! Haha, bless her x

The Intro.

Okay. First blog. Exciting. Um, hi. I am Sam (if you hadn't already guessed from the title of the whole blog anyway) and yeah, I'm currently in year 12. It's pretty good, way better than normal school! But yeah, you don't care about that do you? Um, I say recently, okay, no recently, I broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years...but now, happy times, I have another. He is pretty nice, funny as anything! Love it hehe. Yeah, I mean obviously things are going slow because, you know, I said recently so, don't want to be rushing but yeah, just seeing how it all goes, you know, see if it can work out. He wants to join the army..slight dilemma BUT, I am one who will respect the decisions of others so if he wants to he can, we may not even last that long anyway I mean, who knows?! If we don't it wont be as much of an issue so...yeah, anyway, life is better, hasn't been to great recently but you know, I have my friends and now my boyfriend to help me. You know what, I need like a code name for everyone I want to mention in my blog, everybody does it, in case I want a good little bitch you know? Even though if they saw they would KNOW but I don't care I'd feel so cool having a little code to myself. Yeah, I'm weird, I talk like I'm talking to somebody, hopefully that is the point in a blog though, I hope, if not just, somebody tell me and I will stop. But yeah, so...here's the first of maybe many blog posts...see if my life gets interesting any time soon, it doesn't normally.