:/

Days like this I want to drive away.
I just want to throw my phone away, find out who is really there for me.


I don't want to be at uni any more.
People said I'd regret it if I left, and I probably would but .. I am so unhappy there, it's nothing like I thought it was gunna be. At least when I was emo I attracted the other emos. Being 'normal' means it's so much harder to find someone like you, to be a friend.

I mean, I don't wanna be hasty obviously. I have to figure out WHY I'm so unhappy.
I'm worried it's cos I can't stand to be away from Ross. But after thinking about it, I do hate that, however I don't think it's entirely the reason...

I don't wanna disappoint mum and dad.
I have no friends, haven't clicked with anyone and it's been a while.
I love the course but lately I am not even bothered about missing lectures.
It's gunna rack up so much debt I don't know if I am willing to have.
My flatmates don't seem to appreciate a tidy and CLEAN flat.
I have no one to live with next year.

I just don't think it's for me.

I had an idea that if I dropped out I would cut my hair, dye it lighter (browny blonde?) and just get a job.
Try and start anew. Be a new Sam. With Ross; at least then if all goes to shit I have him to run to...

But I don't think I can ever be the Sam I WANT to be...but I'd certainly like to try, but I don't think it'll happen at university...  :/

xo

Uni life .. again ♥

Well so far I am enjoying my course - which is a PLUS

I also joined the linguistics society so hopefully I'll make some new friends in that, because I decided today that I need to get a life.

My two course friends are Laura and Amy - both nice, Amy does miss a few lectures though, silly, lazy girl haha and Laura is a laugh haha, so yeah that's alright, at least I'm not alone on the course as I am generally, but who knows maybe our relationship will improve in time ..

But yeah, all is well so far, got 3 courseworks due in 14/15th December and one 17th January so that's fun! I have made a plan for one .. so I kind of need to get cracking on that really but you know! I'll get there. I'm going to the library a lot more now so I should get more done!

I am also going to the GYM! Woo, trying to get fit and thin and sexy haha! (even though Ross says I don't need to .. but he has to say that!)

But yeah that's all so far, more news when I have some!!


Oh yeah .. my laundry was stuck in the washing machine for 26 hours .. was PISSED OFF .. but it's fine now =)


BYE

xo

Stupidly happy ♥

I feel so close to you right now, it's a force field
I wear my heart upon my sleeve like a big deal
Your love pours down on me, surround me like a waterfall
& there's no stopping us right now
I feel so close to you right now...


I don't quite get it...
Maybe it's my hormones being nice for a change
But I am stupidly happy with Ross right now.

Yeah uni and making friends is still a struggle, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore...

I can't help but stupidly smile to myself when I think about him...
Which is a lot so I must look like a dick half the time!
But I don't care.
I love him.
And I can't wait to move in with him and get married and have kids and a cat and a dog and a rabbit (this has been discussed!)

What makes it better is he seems to feel pretty good about us too =)
Which gives me more confidence!

I'm really feeling this one...I may have only had 2 before him but...I now know everything I felt for them was fake...this is the real deal.


*happy sigh*
♥ ☻ X x

Uni life so far...

Right well I am now officially a student at the University of the West of England!

Flatmates are nice - Stephanie, Alex, Alex and Will.
Block people are good too, we got quite a good block going tbf.

Haven't actually been drunk yet...damn my lack of trust and spontaneous-ness haha.
Nah it's still been fun though, we all get on pretty well.


Had the fresher's fair today - that was fun - so much free stuff! It was great! Loads of posters and bottle openers and stickers haha! All sorts really...I really did enjoy, had a couple of cheeky free shots as well...good times!

But yes uni is going well thus far...let's see how it is once lectures start =)

PEACEE xD haha.

Fairytales?

We're speaking different voices
We're fighting with the ones we've loved
We're speaking different voices
Why can't we say what we're thinking of


I've missed the part
Now that you've told me everything
And I was lost
And I'd forgotten how to love


You said you'd never tell


When you're on your way down
Feeling the blow
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again...


Got a nice chat from Ross ..

I need a reality check.



Why can't we make life a fairytale?
I know what I want ..
But it seems, having a job, and a really romancey boyfriend, and being a success is too much to ask.

I know he's had like loads of girlfriends but . what am I just not special enough to be treated like a princess?
He says I'm his princess but .. only in HIS eyes .. to me I'm just some girl he can't lie in bed with, stare into her eyes and tell her how much he loves her..

But that's me. See I NEED a reality check.

xo

Fucking hormones!!!

Happy all week ..

Ross goes to cinema with his mates, when I say hang with your mates ..

I cry.


He said we might all meet up after my driving but they went to the cinema ..

Just gutted, would've liked to try and get on with his mates ..

Ah well, fuck it.
I have essays to do.

xo

The Edge of Glory ♥

I need a man that thinks it's right when it's so wrong

Tonight yeah baby, tonight yeah baby

Right on the limits where we know we both belong tonight

It's hard to feel the rush

To push the dangerous

I'm gunna run right to, to the edge with you

Where we can both fall far in love

I'm on the edge, of glory

& I'm hanging on a moment of truth

I'm on the edge, of glory

& I'm hanging on a moment with you

I'm on the edge with you

Well, I am in a fantastic mood, which is a nice change, hopefully it will stick for when I see Ross tomorrow, didn't see him today, and don't want my good mood to go to waste!

German orals are DONE! Yes nowww!!

That's a nice relief.

Could be a part of why my mood is so good. 

Going out for dinner with Ross on Saturday, cos I want to :D

I fancy a night out, just a quiet one, with Ross =)

♥ xo

FFFFFFFF!

Pretty stressed atm
But hey ho .. there are people worse off ..

Actually; I don't care .
I'm sick of people saying that "there are people worse off than you" yeah .. fab, great, I'm so sorry for that, but it's not concern of mine unless they are my FRIEND .. Fuck sake, can I never have a real problem with at least ONE person taking it seriously?!

Going Cheltenham with Kirstie and that lot tomorrow though; which will be nice .
She said I sounded like I needed retail therapy ..

Oooh .. I do hate how I am someti- all the time .

xo